Kipa, Talit, and Tefilin
What kind of ritual uniform do you wear?
Growing up on the West Coast, Egalitarianism is not a new, or even recent concept in my life. I grew up at a synagogue where men and women sat together, and participated equally in services for as far back as I can remember. I believe that my oldest sister was among the first to have some type of Friday night Bat Mitzvah ceremony in the 70’s- well ahead of many Conservative congregations around the country. I attended Camp Ramah in CA and Far West USY where young men and women were counted in a minyan together, participated in leading tefilot together, and read Torah and Haftorah without question.
But whether on the West Coast or the East Coast, the one area that has always, and continues to be somewhat of a challenge when it comes to egalitarianism is “ritual garb”- what one wears when he or she is praying, or participating in other Jewish rituals. In many Conservative congregations around the country- the policy is that men are required to wear kipa, talit, and tefilin during services and women may choose to do so if they like. Our congregation has this policy as well, and recent discussions on the ritual and board level have confirmed that this is where we are currently most comfortable as a community.
I understand this policy, and I know that many women did not grow up wearing kipa, talit, and tefilin. I understand that a good deal of the challenges surrounding ritual garb and egalitarianism often have more to do with social norms and behavior than religious meaning and significance. And I respect that our community and so many others are really at the beginnings of Egalitarianism from a historical perspective and that we have not completely figured out what it means for men and women to be “equal” when it comes to all ritual practice.
But with all of my understanding, I continue to struggle with the current “norm” in Egalitarian communities that men “must” wear these things and women can choose to do so. The reason that I am challenged is because in and of themselves, the messages and values behind wearing a kipa, talit, and tefilin are not gendered. We wear a kipa to remind us of God’s presence in our lives and in our world. We wear a talit to wrap ourselves in the mitzvot (symbolized by the tzizit), and remind ourselves that there are privileges, responsibilities, and obligations that come along with being Jewish. And we bind ourselves in tefilin to remind ourselves that we are “bound” to a tradition and to celebrate the fact that while we were once bound up in slavery, we are now blessed to be free and must therefore work each day to fill the world with God’s presence. All of these are messages that apply to men and women.
Two weeks ago, I read a wonderful article on this subject written by Rabbi Rebecca Sirbu, the director of Rabbis Without Boarders at CLAL. In the article, she described her own struggle with these issues as a Jewish woman, a rabbi, and the mother of a daughter. I found her essay insightful and very helpful- not only as a rabbi, but also as a parent who struggles with this issue with my own daughters.
Sirbu writes:
By not requiring the same practice from the boys and girls we are sending them a message that God expects different things of them. We may even be sending the message that girls are less than boys because less is expected of them. To have fully egalitarian practices we must have the same standards for both boys and girls.
And yet, boys and girls are different. Like me, many girls may not want to wear a kippah. So let’s get creative….. Why not make the requirement for some kind of head covering, which is after all what the Jewish law calls for, but not specify what kind of head covering. The shape of a kippah is not required. Why not let children choose between, a kippah, a hat, or a head band or scarf? This would let boys and girls adhere to the letter of the law while allowing for personal expression.
Why not require all to wear a tallit, and have them make or buy one of their own choosing as many already do?
Why not require teffilin for all and bring the children shopping to choose larger or smaller pairs. And why, oh why, can’t they decorate them in some way to make them more appealing. I have studied this. I know the letter of the law calls for them to be plain black leather. But if we want our children, both boys and girls to connect meaningfully to this traditional practice, then we need to figure out a way to make it more inviting for them to do so. Otherwise, make this practice optional for all….
To read the rest of the article, click here:
What do you think? Should these practices be optional for all or does that seem more like Reform practice? Do you wear a Kipa, Talit, or Tefilin? Why or why not? What do these rituals mean to you? And how have you handled this issue in your own life, either for yourself or for your children?
Please e-mail me your thoughts- I would love to dialogue about this with you.